Chandrababuism
You have two cows in
YSRism
You have two cows .Distrubute milk for free to 10 crore population
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa.. ." and fall at your feet.
Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
Softwarism:( Ultimate. ...)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 .. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 .. Redo step 4
9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there. (Few Bugs)
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls???
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !
Funny about leaders and s/w guys
US Thinking--Just a joke
When the dog is about to bite the woman,
the man intervenes and kicks the dog.
A reporter was seeing all this.
He said "That was great.
I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.
Tomorrow the headline will be
'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'."
The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here.
I am from US". Reporter " OK.
Then the headline will be
US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG".
Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen.
I'm a Afghanistani national".
Next day, the headline in the paper read .... .... .... .... .... .... ........ .... .... .... .... .... .... .... ....
TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG
Note:This is just a joke.
10 signs guy is in love
More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.
Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.
9. You can't stop thinking about her
Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she thinks of you half as much as you think of her. You wonder what she's up to and even consider calling her (but refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).
But it gets worse. You're out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much she would like that particular item, or you notice a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.
If she's the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up and you've even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions then you don't really even need to read on to know if you're in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).
8. You care about her
There is a reason why you don't really want to know too much about the chick you had a one-night stand with: You don't love her. When you're in love with a woman, you want to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. You truly care about her and her feelings.
If you truly love a woman, you feel bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. You don't try to cheer her up because you have to, but because you can't help it.
7. You find her quirks charming
The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes â€'- just in case â€'- and that, when she's eating, she can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.
She does and says things that make her different, and you like it. You can't quite put your finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. You like her just the way she is.
6. You have great chemistry
You can't be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that you could fall in love with, if you aren't there already.
5. You don't notice other women as much
Did you see that gorgeous blonde that just walked by? What do you mean, "no"?!?
Although you can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when you're in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, you don't seem to be flirting half as much as you used to.
You are slowly realizing that she's often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits you just fine.
4. You love spending time with her
This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. You look forward to seeing her, and don't care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.
Furthermore, when you're not together, you miss her and wish you were spending time together
3. You don't mind compromising sometimes
There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her it's different. Not that she asks you to, but you don't mind missing a night out with the guys to be with her. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her into your plans or altering them to accommodate her.
You also find yourself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although your friends find this very amusing, you know that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like yours.
2. Other priorities take a back seat
You used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner, you don't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but your workaholic tendency of bringing home your work on weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to you as of late.
Your ever-important "to do" list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render your other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that you absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?
1. You start thinking about the future and she's in it
It used to be that the future with a woman meant your date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only do you plan to see her this weekend, but you want to see her a year from now as well.
When planning your next vacation, you know you want to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny you happen to meet while you're there. And when you get an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, you ask her to be your date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if you'll still be together.
She's the one
If you are currently dating a woman that makes you act in any of the ways mentioned above, then you, my friend, are seriously falling for her. It's time to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.
Drunken Santa Singh
1.) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go
2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.
3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.
Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could read the third stage.
And then, one fine day, Santa Singh walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, "Bhale change hai hum, thagde hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai" When shown the room, he coolly walked in.
There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.
Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion.
The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.
As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.
And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"
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It is funny-->Impact of Crisis in IT Employee's Family
Sekar (Calling his family from Amsterdam): Good Evening Mom and Dad.
Where is my wife Sheela?
Dad: Just now I called her. She is on the way to home after taking our
grandson Rahul from his school.
Sekar: Let us wait for her few minutes and we will start this
discussion.
(By the time Sheela entered in to the house.. Sekar continue the
meeting)
I hope you know the Agenda of the meeting which I had mentioned in the
meeting request. Even though let me read out the agenda once again
1. Status update/Discussion on Last Week Action Items
2. Family Strategy
2. Rahul's Education
3. Medical Insurance for Mom and Dad
I hope every one have the printout of last week MOM (Minutes of
Meeting).
Dear Mom can you please update the status of tasks which you are taking
care of?
Mom: Sekar, I am taking care of kitchen module which involves making
products like Sambar, Rasam, Curd Rice, Vegetable Biriyani.I am not
comfortable in handling the tools for making Non Vegetarian products.
You suggest some training in Hlite. However after making these products,
I am giving to your Dad for Acceptance testing. Once he satisfied with
the quality of taste, we pass it to Dining Hall. One more thing, I would
like to share with you. As you have suggested during my appraisal
discussion, now I have stopped crying while watching mega serials in TV
Sekar: Sounds Good.
Sekar: Now coming to Dad. Dad can you please update us?
Dad: Yes. My dear son. I have completed my tasks by paying the current
bill and phone bill with in time.
Sekar: That's good
Dad: But I couldn't pay the premium amount of 9200.00 of the LIC plan
which you had taken for tax reduction purpose.
Sekar: It doesn't look nice dad. I have sent you the amount already and
given clear instructions.
Can you explain to me what went wrong?
Dad: On Tuesday night suddenly one of our team mate (your mom) fell down
on the floor when she was running to catch Rahul. Then we took her to
hospital and spent that amount for her medical expenses.
Mom: Sekar, I would like to add on what your Dad said, that was true. I
got heavy injury in my legs and I was in hospital for two days. So now
we don't have money to pay for the premium.
Sekar: Sheela..! Would you aware of this? As a home lead, I expect you
to track these issues and send it to me on daily basis. What are you
doing (With stress on 'doing') after coming from college?
Sheela: Will do it Sekar. You know that the college, I am working is
very far from our home. Every day I come back home at 6 pm and sit with
Rahul for assisting him for doing his home work.
Sekar: Ok. Coming to second Agenda point .Due to this financial crisis
we need to change the strategy of running our family. I am looking for
your cooperation in the following cost cutting activities. I want to see
the cost benefit of 40 % in this month budget after implementing this
* Asking servant maid to leave her job
* Stop ordering Pizzas for dinner
* Avoid Tooth paste and use Neem sticks/Banyan Tree Sticks
* Switch on TV only for watching Sunday Movie and Friday Oliyum
Ozhiyum(Well known program for film songs in Podigai TV)
* Wise to listen news from our near by portion when they watch news in
TV
* Every Saturday visit our relative's homes and spend the whole day
including break fast, lunch and Dinner
* Don't invite anybody to our home. Sunday our relatives might come to
our house. Just lock the door outside and do your work inside silently.
* Everybody assemble in adjacent street Perumal temple on Sunday for
breakfast. They provide 'Pongal' as 'prasadam' which is good in taste
* Sheela stop going for gym and Yoga class. Use Attural (Made up of
Stone for making Dosa /idly dough), Ammikal (Replacement of Mixie)
instead of grinder and Mixie. Mom please give KT to Sheela about this.
* Don't buy excess of things and store it in Fridge. Use big Mud pots
for cool water.
* Everybody go to bed early around 6:30 pm. Ask Rahul to do his homework
when he comes back from school immediately during the hours sunlight is
available. If not ask him to read under street light. He will become
like Lincoln (Former US President) one day.
* Use as much of cycle for transportation to near by places(It will help
you to reduce fat and Cholesterol content)
* I know you are eager to watch latest release 'Vaaranam Aayiram'. Don't
plan for that. Wail till next year Diwali to watch the same movie in
Kalaignar TV
If you have any clarifications contact Sheela@kitchen
Coming to second Agenda point. Sheela, can you please update me about
Rahul's Education. In which standard he is studying? Whether he got any
double promotion? He was writing annual exam for third standard when I
was leaving for Amsterdam.
Sheela: Sekar, I am bit worrying about his education. I have tracked his
efforts, schedule in our OHM+ tool. I found 20 % in Effort variance and
35 % in schedule deviation. His learning curve goes down in the control
chart which you can see in the report, I have sent you yesterday.
Sekar: Thanks for your measurements. I will review the report and we
will discuss it on next week's call. I have a client meeting now. So we
will discuss the third agenda item next week. Mom and Dad.. can you
please drop out from the call. I wanted to talk to Sheela about few
personal things and Dad, don't forget to circulate the MOM (Minutes of
Meeting) to every one.
Sheela: Hello Sekar..
Sheela: Hello...Hello...
Sheela: Hello...
<Tring...Tring.....Tring...Line Got Disconnected>
Konjam tooooooooo much than...
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